Ready Player One Read-Through: Chapter 9

Content warning: sexism.



The creepiness, and the male egotism and narcissism, are just beginning. This thread is going to go on for a long while.

The avatar Wade meets is Art3mis, in the flesh, or virtual flesh. This is the first time they meet - as much as anyone can actually meet in the OASIS.

This is how our hero describes meeting the girl he's been cyber-stalking for years:


She wore a suit of scaled gunmetal-blue armor that looked more sci-fi than fantasy. Twin blaster pistols were slung low on her hips in quick-draw holsters, and there was a long, curved elvish sword in a scabbard across her back. She wore fingerless Road Warrior-style racing gloves and a pair of classic Ray-Ban shades. Overall, she seemed to be going for a sort of mid-'80s postapocalyptic cyberpunk girl-next-door look. And it was working for me, in a big way. In a word: hot. (Page 87)


Art3mis shows up, and is immediately objectified by the sheltered, socially-inept teen boy protagonist. "Hot", "girl-next-door" - these are not character descriptions, they're tropes. They tell me nothing about her. I know they just met, but give the readers more than a rundown of her appearance - her facial expressions, an insight into what she might be thinking as she studies Wade, etc.

With all the weaponry on her as well, she sounds bulky and uncomfortable; trying way too hard to be cool and masculine, but still "hot" and "girl-next-door"-cute and feminine enough (a cute geek girl archetype) to be attractive to the heterosexual and unsubtle Wade. And does she ever actually use those weapons at any time in the book? If you're familiar with another trope, the Faux Action Girl, then I think you know the answer.


"Cat got your tongue?" she asked. "I said: Who. The hell. Are you?"
       Like her, I had my avatar's nametag switched off. Clearly, I wanted to remain anonymous, especially under the circumstances. Couldn't she take a hint? (Page 88)


Says the guy who literally two paragraphs ago mentions he's been "cyber-crushing" on Art3mis for the past three years. He stalked her online and saved images of her on his hard drive to do I-don't-even-want-to-know with. Now he's insinuating that she has no respect for his privacy; for something that, on her part, has nothing to do with personal feelings but everything to do with winning the hunt. Hypocritical bastard.

One Highlander reference later, Wade figures that Art3mis knows about the Joust and that this is not her first time in the tomb - not her first attempt at beating Acererak at the game, and she assumes that the lich king had beaten Wade too (he's hidden the Copper Key in a pouch on his belt).

Of course Art3mis isn't as good at games as our messiah Wade. She's good - but not as good as the boys. She's not coded a "fake geek girl", but it's clear she's meant to be seen as unique because she's a good (but not too good) gamer girl. She is Cline's ideal Manic Pixie Dream Girl fantasy.

They test out whether the tomb is a PvP zone, where avatars can fight each other:


She drew her sword, lightning fast, and turned into a clockwise spin, bringing its glowing blade around and down at me, all in a single blur of motion. At the last second, I managed to tilt my own blade upward to awkwardly parry the attack. But both of our swords halted in midair, inches apart, as of held back by some invisible force. A message flashed on my display: PLAYER-VERSUS-PLAYER COMBAT NOT PERMITTED HERE! (Page 89)


Is this like their meet cute moment in a romance? They whip out their swords on each other - an "are you pleased to see me?" vibe coming off there. A lame joke, I know, but is it intentional? Did Cline anticipate that someone like me would see the connection and make that joke? Did I play right into his hands? If so, dammit, I just gave him the satisfaction of getting his stupid, childish innuendo, and then typing it.

Of course the only time here where we get to see Art3mis use a weapon is as a demonstration for Wade - to show off how "cool" she is.

He lies to her about winning the Copper Key, in order to get a head-start on her for the First Gate behind her back. Good strategy, and personal reasons don't apply. He doesn't know her, after all. When she suspects him of hiding something:


"Think what you want, She-Ra," I said, moving past her. "Maybe I'll run in to you off-world sometime. We can duke it out then." I gave her a small wave. "See ya 'round." (Page 90)


Oh so there is a She-Ra reference in the book. And it is used as a passive-aggressive insult to the lone female character, like She-Ra is an inferior female figure in pop culture who doesn't matter. Wonderful.

Female characters are not inferior; importantly, they are not inferior to actual women and girls, you sexist prick.

Real smooth and not suspicious behaviour, as well, Wade.

Art3mis shows how clever she is by pointing out how the Joust game works when a player loses - implying that she has lost enough times to figure out all the rules and loopholes - and when she blocks Wade's path to the exit, and he contemplates spending more time with her as he might never meet her again (priorities, son, and you haven't enough time to spend with your fantasy girl):


"Listen," she said, glancing at her boots. "I apologize for calling you a low-level wimpazoid. That was not cool. I insulted you."
      "It's OK. You were right, actually. I'm only tenth level."
      "Regardless, you're a fellow gunter. And a clever one too, or you wouldn't be standing here.  So, I want you to know that I respect you, and acknowledge your skills. And I apologize for the trash talk."
       "Apology accepted. No worries."
       "Cool." She looked relieved. (Page 91)


'Course she fucking apologizes profusely for insulting him, even in a playful way. She's a girl, and boys don't have to apologize for anything. Art3mis's dialogue here is so unnatural and forced it's cringeworthy. She out of nowhere decides to boost the ego of a boy she just met. With the chapter's effort to demonstrate how "smart" and "tough" she is, she just revealed herself to be a doormat with no self-esteem, nor any self-respect. So much for a "strong, spunky female character".

After Art3mis spends some time ranting and rambling about how hard it's been for her to win at Joust, she pauses to take a deep breath and says:


"Sorry," she said a second later. "I tend to ramble when I'm nervous. Or excited. And right now I'm sort of both, because I've been dying to talk to someone about all of this, but obviously I couldn't tell a soul, right? You can't just mention in casual conversation that you--" She cut herself off again. "Man, I'm such a motormouth! A jabberjaw. A flibbertigibbet." She mimed zipping her lips, locking them, and tossing away the imaginary key. Without thinking, I mimed grabbing the key out of the air and unlocking her lips. This made her laugh--an honest, genuine laugh that involved a fair amount of snorting, which made me laugh too.
       She was so charming. (Page 92)


Firstly: Stop apologizing, Art3mis! It's not charming or cute, it's patronizing. Secondly: She is behaving exactly like a typical Manic Pixie Dream Girl, one who is quirky and only exists to make the male lead laugh and see the joys of life again after a cynical, disillusioned occurrence that took place before the beginning of his story. Thirdly: You're coming off a bit too close to her lips there, Wade; you don't really know her. Fourthly: She snorts when she laughs. How cliche, especially for a shy geek girl. Fifthly: How fortunate for Wade that his love interest is as socially-awkward as he is, an inevitable side effect of being a gunter, forced to never go out - to become as obsessed with all the pop culture minutia as Halliday was. Sixthly: Don't say that she's charming right after showing why you think so! As if the reader couldn't catch that on their own!

Art3mis smiles shyly and "mouthed the words "thank you"" after Wade got worried when he called her laugh "dorky". Suddenly:


I felt a sudden urge to kiss her. Simulation or not, I didn't care. I was working up the courage to ask for her contact card when she stuck out her hand. (Page 92)


I repeat, Wade, again and again, if necessary: you don't know her. You can't be sure she's even real; she could be an NPC for all you know, created by the IOI, or by Halliday before he died. In the OASIS anything is possible. She finds Wade charming too, clearly - could be she was programmed to serve his every need, or to distract him on his quest. Now there's a neat idea for a twist in this book; with the potential for drama, subversion, and real, hard-hitting social commentary. Ready Player One doesn't seize that great opportunity, unsurprisingly: Art3mis is an MPDG played straight.

Their conversation continues. After Art3mis shows her knowledge of the origin of Wade's avatar name:


I nodded, even more smitten. I almost always had to explain my name to people. "And Artemis was the Greek goddess of the hunt, right?
      "Right! But the normal spelling was already taken, so I had to use a leet spelling, with a number three in place of the 'e'." (Page 93)


Later they mention how Art3mis's name is pronounced, making the first mention back in chapter 2 pointless.


"I know," I said. "You mentioned that once on your blog. Two years ago." I almost cited the date of the actual blog entry before I realized it would make me sound even more of a cyber-stalking super-creep. (Page 93)


Too late.

They exchange contact cards. When Art3mis receives Wade's:


"This is awesome!" she said, looking it over. "What a wicked design!"
      "Thanks," I said, blushing under my visor. I wanted to propose marriage. (Page 93)


Sheesh! What happened to not wanting to be, in your own words, "a cyber-stalking super-creep", Wade? Get to know her real name first, reality destroyer.

More sickly-sweet exchanges. Art3mis offers to heal Wade, unaware that he doesn't need it since he won the Joust with Acererak. He's starting to feel bad about lying to her, and then she searches the Scoreboard that shows up on her visor - it reveals he won the Copper Key and his subsequent points, confirming her suspicions. She calls him a "lying bastard!" (ha!). The Scoreboard shows its first successful gunter - since its inception, fives years ago - to the entire world, and now Wade's avatar is famous and the subject of various news articles (must be a slow news day). In seconds he's become one of the richest and most famous people on earth, both in reality and in the virtual world.

Wow. I am so invested. I care about him so much.

Art3mis is understandably pissed at him for winning on his first try, and in her screaming rage she lets slip that she's been trying to beat Acererak for five weeks. Five weeks of her losing. Poor girl. Poor weak gamer girl. This chapter is just one big ego boost for Wade, isn't it?

But the narration assures us that Art3mis is pissed at herself, not Wade, because heaven forbid a woman be justifiably angry at anyone but her own silly female self. Women are their own worst enemy, don't you know?

In revenge, Art3mis puts up a Barrier spell to trap Wade inside the tomb, slowing him down and preventing him from seeking the First Gate. It is a competition, after all. No flirting. She then warns Wade about what appearing on the Scoreboard and becoming a famous gunter would truly mean:


"Because there are billions of dollars up for grabs, and now everyone is going to assume you know how and where to find the egg. There are a lot of people who would kill for that information." (Page 97)


This is foreshadowing. But Wade, the arrogant git, doesn't listen to her or even acknowledge her making this dire warning later.

Change of subject!

They talk about what they would do with Halliday's money if either of them win the egg. Wade, "not wanting her to think I was some shallow idiot" (again, too late, and you forgot selfish, too), tells Art3mis his big dream; something he never told anyone else (YOU. DON'T. KNOW. HER!). I'll spare you the details, but it is about flying into space to get away from earth and its doom, poverty and low resources, in his own spaceship where he can play video games, watch TV, and be in the OASIS all day, and explore the galaxy for a better planet to inhabit. It is as stupid as it sounds, and like something a shallow idiot would dream up.

It's also where the reader gets a glimpse at Wade's catchphrase, "get the hell out of Dodge." Unoriginal, and it gets annoying very quickly.

When Art3mis points out how utterly selfish this dream sounds, and how there are people on earth who are dying of starvation, our lovely hero replies:


"Yes, I know," I said defensively. "The reason so many people are starving is because we've wrecked the planet. The Earth is dying, you know? It's time to leave."
      "That's a pretty negative outlook," she said. "If I win that dough, I'm going to make sure everyone on this planet has enough to eat. Once we tackle world hunger, then we can figure out how to fix the environment and solve the energy crisis."
      I rolled my eyes. "Right," I said. "And after you pull off that miracle, you can genetically engineer a bunch of Smurfs and unicorns to frolic around this new perfect world you've created." (Page 98)


Wade is being a negative prick to his optimist love interest. Smooth.

But all of this is forgotten about when midnight strikes and Acererak and the game of Joust appear once again, setting up a game for Art3mis. Before the Barrier spell is lifted and Wade leaves, against all reason he gives her a hint on how to win. The girl gamer needs help from the boy gamer. Feminism!

Poor girl, wanting to go into STEM and have fun in a "boys' club"! After years of hard work and practice! What does she know? Only men know what they're doing; only men can help out, when they're not outright excluding, threatening, and driving the girl away.

If only Art3mis had no life whatsoever, like our hero Wade, then she would have won the first time as well. Then again, she has as much personality as Wade, so maybe they are meant for each other.

End of chapter 9. Finally!