I, like many others, both then and now, wanted to check out 'The English Roses' because of Madonna. And the cute illustrations.
The English Roses themselves - Nicole, Amy, Charlotte and Grace, young girls of indeterminate age (though they are called 'little girls') - are interchangeable in personality, and they are pretty shallow and one-dimensional, the embodiment of stereotypically girly - they are fashionable, they like dancing and dolls, and they 'like the same boys' (page 8) (though at least they play games and read books, apparently). Very heteronormative, though that is to be expected for a children's book published in the early 2000s. Madonna might have partly based the Roses on the Spice Girls (Amy even looks like Geri Halliwell from that era, with her red hair and the Union Jack flags in her clothing).
The girl whom the Roses are jealous of, Binah, for being 'very, very beautiful' ('the most beautiful girl anyone had ever seen'! How old is she supposed to be? This is just creepy) and 'an excellent student and very good at sport' and 'was always kind to people' and 'was special', is clearly Madonna's self-insert (all the above quotes are from page 12, BTW).
The Rose friends' reaction to seeing Binah's oh-so poor and simple bedroom (with 'a single bed' and 'one doll' (page 36) FUCKING GASP!), during their fairy godmother trip into Binah's home, is an overexaggeration, to say the least. Damn early 2000s privileged London children.
Also, Madonna tried way too hard to make her book sound British, with the wording, spelling, slang, and character mannerisms. This was evidently made during her phase of wanting to be British, or at least act like it while living in England.
Lastly, this book is basically, blatantly the 'Hey Arnold!' episode, 'Ms. Perfect', meets 'A Christmas Carol' meets 'It's a Wonderful Life'. Any similarities may be coincidental, but I'm not ruling out any "inspiration".
'The English Roses' was obviously written by a world renowned celebrity.
Although, on the other hand, it is undeniably cute, with the cutest illustrations NOT credited to Jeffrey Fulvimari on the cover, nor on the back jacket of my copy of the book. The only place his name appears is in tiny letters on the title page, compared to Madonna's. It's all about Madonna with 'The English Roses'.
It contains a good message about making new friends, getting to know people, and not judging them, and how no one's life is as perfect as they may seem; we should be kind to everyone, and help them out, and be satisfied with who we are and what we have. The part where Nicole's mother tries to talk to the girls about this, before the fairy godmother shows up to set them right, is perhaps my favourite of the whole book - it's a humanising and cathartic moment.
Speaking of the fairy godmother (she isn't given any other name), she appears in the girls' synchronised dream during their sleepover, and takes them to Binah's home to show them how hard her life really is. The fairy godmother is mean, selfish, hypocritical, snooty and sassy, and I kind of love her for it. She's like the book version of Mary Poppins, a woman with magical powers who hates children and is not afraid to show it, and who acts like she has to teach them lessons out of contractual obligation.
The fairy godmother, as well as the book's narrator, have biting sass and attitude - even savagely breaking the fourth wall in some areas - for a 46-page children's book. Madonna didn't patronise or sugarcoat for her target audience there.
Though the line, 'If you say, "No" [in answering if the reader has ever been jealous], you are telling a big fat fib and I am going to tell your mother. Now, stop interrupting me.' (page 15), is especially jarring when we find out that one of the reasons why Binah's life is sad and hard is because her mother died (she lives with a single father who is mostly out at work). I mean, yikes! How did no one pick up on that?!
But through it all...
'The English Roses' - yes, it's crap, but you know what, it's my crap. My silly stuff. It's campy in a way that was probably unintentional, and that adds a charm to it.
And who can resist those cute illustrations? With little animals, dolls, knickknacks and other details added in here and there?
You deserve credit too, Jeffrey. This isn't just Madonna's creation, that also isn't simply a vanity project or "easy project", as its proceeds to go children's charities (at the time of its publication, and based on where it's purchased, anyway).
I have to praise any story that has female friendship as its major theme, too.
I own guilty pleasure novels and graphic novels - it's about time I had a guilty pleasure children's picture book, and that honour goes to 'The English Roses'.
Final Score: 3/5
