Abuse is someone making someone else's life worse by being with them, but the abuser will insist that it is for the best, for the victim's "own good". Abusers find fault with everything about their victim's character, and will let them know in the most negative ways, to make them change to suit the abuser's own idealised, less-than image; to be mocked, dismissed, ignored, and insulted even more, to satisfy the abuser's fragile ego. Abusers drain their victims, suck the life out of them, beat the happiness out of them little by little, often subtly. Shifting the blame from oneself onto the victim about everything is a common red flag. Making excuses, time and time again, denial, lies, deception, gaslighting, twisting words, bringing up the victim's past mistakes, not listening, contradicting: these are also in the abuser's arsenal.
The victim's pain, misery, fear, low self-esteem, self-doubt and submissiveness nourishes the perpetrator. Via their twisted logic anyone made to feel weaker than them, by them, will also be made to need them to survive. Fear and codependence go hand in hand.
Because it's for the abuser's own sense of self-worth and validation in existence. If no one - better a unified community - will try to stop them, they will keep doing it.
Abusers feed their victims poison and will endlessly call it ambrosia. They will destroy them, mold them into their own fantasy images, kill the victim's independence, by any means.
This toxic power struggle - abuse, bullying caused by selfishness and self-validation - can exist anywhere, in any context. Not just in romantic and sexual relationships, but in families, in friendships, in schools, workplaces, and in politics.
When the day comes when a person can say, "I'm gay", to anyone and the universal response is, "And?", we have done our job.
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