2022 EDIT: I was going to make this into a long, ranty and sweary rereview, but after reading all of 'Rukhsana Ali' again, now, I'm just tired. There's no point. It's not worth it. I want to put it behind me and move on with my life, and find happiness, faith in humanity, and sanity somewhere else.
Consider the following a quick catharsis:
I do not forgive Rukhsana's parents, not as easily and quickly as the book does. They are far worse than I remember them from last time. They're abusive monsters (though typically her mother is the worst, as are all the aunties), who only see their daughter as cattle and breeding stock. Forget conditional love - there was no love for her at all, until, conveniently, a queer tragedy happens in the last seventy pages or so. There was no inkling that they saw her as a human being, but a piece of meat, a vagina on legs, that they can marry off with a dowry to a man, and brag to horrible, gossipy, judgemental people (but mainly women) in their community about. Her happiness and wellbeing meant literally nothing to them; their reputation - plus their favourite, their son, their boy, their pride and joy - were all they cared about.
They actively refused to listen to her, to try to understand her the teeniest, tiniest bit. Even before they found out she was gay, they had no respect for her, because she was a girl. They knew they were hurting her and destroying her, and they didn't care.
Rukhsana's parents deliberately ruined her life. What they did to her was barbaric; no, it was evil, so cartoonishly selfish and self-absorbed they were. They uprooted her life, guilt-tripped her, lied to her, gaslighted her, emotionally blackmailed her, locked her up, made her a prisoner, and drugged her and had an exorcism performed on her, for fuck's sake. To be fair, they were rightly treated like the villains they were for the majority of the book.
BUT BUT BUT.
It took the murder of another gay person the parents knew for them to change even slightly. They would have continued to have been abusive monsters determined to see their daughter stripped of all life and humanity for a husband - and for their saved reputations - if said queer death hadn't occurred.
To be perfectly blunt, fuck that. Fuck that Bury-Your-Gays and Rushed-and-Insincere-Homophobe's-Redemption-at-the-End-of-Their-Story bullshit. It is fucked up on so many levels I can't properly process them all right now.
Wow, this did end up being long and sweary, after all.
The ending isn't realistic. The forgiveness isn't earned.
With many, many trigger warnings, I'm not sure I would recommend 'The Love & Lies of Rukhsana Ali' to anyone in the LGBTQA+ community.
Everything else in 'Rukhsana Ali' is good, however. Lovely even. It's addictive and breezy, it can be read in a day. I learned a lot about Bengali culture - especially the food! Rukhsana's grandmother is the absolute best. She deserves all the love and support in the world after everything she's been through, and she and only like one or two of Rukhsana's female cousins avoid the book's overall unfortunate toxic internalised misogyny amidst the Bengali community. Even her very flawed white girlfriend Ariana I ended up warming up to and forgiving.
But her parents...I'm sorry, but I can't. I just can't.
What can I say? 'The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School' ruined everything for me.
This goes for YA in general: Why can't the adults in these books act like, well, adults? Don't they know or care that their backwards, archaic and outdated views and belief systems are killing their children?
Religion has nothing to do with it. It shouldn't have anything to do with it. It is and has never been an excuse.
Listen to your kids!
Since 'Rukhsana Ali' I have read similar and better books, anyway, such as 'The Henna Wars' and 'Zara Hossain Is Here' (also by Sabina Khan - I'm glad she's improving, and representing genuinely supportive and loving parents in the vast and diverse Muslim community, who act like real human beings in the 21st century, nothing outdated, dangerous and self-absorbed about them, who are in touch with reality).
That's that then. I'm done. Goodnight.
Oh and the author totally forgot that Rukhsana's brother Aamir existed in the last few chapters.
Final Score: 3/5
Original Review:
'The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali' is YA that is simply written; enjoyable and addictive enough that it can be read in a day. But the messages and themes and their gut-wrenching impact are brilliantly conveyed. Even with the flitterings of problems that some readers might have with it, this is an important book that should be read by everyone.
What could be read as a typical teen novel - despite the sheer uniqueness of the rep of a lesbian Bengali/Muslim lead - slowly burns into something so shocking, so powerful, so encompassing, so horrific, so enraging, so real, and so bitter yet hopeful towards the very end, that it's hard not to feel like a wrung-out, tangled rag of emotions once you turn to the last, cathartic page. You check the time and find that it's night before you know it.
'Rukhsana Ali' is essential, relevant, universal reading, containing positive meaning and intent. But be warned, the fainthearted may want to be on guard. For nothing comes easy.
For someone like me, who knows all too well the pain of loving a book but then feeling utterly betrayed at the end of it, 'The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali' is a fountain of relief.
Shout-out to 2017-19 YA covers that actually have POC people on them. Rukhsana Ali is a smart, brave badass.
I won't give much of the plot away: read it and be justifiably shocked for yourself. The characters feel like real people, even the infuriating, OTT ones. The food, clothes, and basics of Muslim and Bangladesh culture described, are all lovingly lavished on a lot of pages without being overly-detailed and overdone, like a perfectly cooked dish. The flaws, including the cruel poverty divide, are not ignored, however. Every country and culture has problems, nothing and nowhere is singular; this is one of the many significant messages of 'Rukhsana Ali'.
Rukhsana, who is Bengali-American, seventeen, lives in Seattle, wants to go to Caltech, and is understandably closeted, does love her culture and family; she just hates the outdated traditions. My own heart, what women all over the world have to suffer through, to varying degrees, for the crime of being female. Reading what Rukhsana and the other women in her family have had to survive through, at the hands of people who are supposed to love and care for them, is devastating.
What's great is that most of the people in Rukhsana's family - I'll get to her parents later - are supportive of her. Including her younger brother Aamir, her wonderful cousin/sister-in-arms Shaila, and her dear, tragic Nani. Her grandmother gives her her old diary and tells her to follow her heart, and never give up and let anyone force her to marry.
Some unexpected friends care for and help Rukhsana out as well, when her life turns tumultuous beyond her worst nightmares. She isn't the only queer Bangladeshi in her story. I love that there is not one, but two boys, her potential suitors for an arranged marriage, who turn out to be very nice and supportive. They'll know her secret and will be awesome about it.
Nobody fits wholly into a stereotype in 'Rukhsana Ali'. There are no good or bad Muslims. There are just people.
I just don't think that I can ever forgive Rukhsana's parents. Mostly her mother, who is typically conservative, overbearing, nasty and desperate. All they care about is their reputation, what other people think of them, and marrying off their daughter as soon as possible, treating her like property, a doll, a cow for slaughter. Never mind what she wants. Her happiness is never brought up in their one-sided conversations. The blatant favouritism of her brother because he's a boy is bad enough, but without spoiling anything vital, I will say that Rukhsana's parents are not merely strict, they are abusive.
Physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive.
So much so that it would have actually been better if they had disowned and kicked their daughter out once they found out she's gay; at least then she would be safe and sound at any of her friends' houses, away from those evil people who clearly don't care for her in the slightest. The parents go further than guilt-tripping Rukhsana into being straight, and calling her "sick", "disgusting" and "diseased" - I couldn't believe what they put her through, how far they went in their manipulations and deceptions. All in the name of tradition, cultural and religious misogyny, and moulding their own child into their narrowminded ideal of what a woman should be: dead inside.
Rukhsana has every right to be angry at her parents, no matter how much her family means to her. I do feel awful for her mum and what she herself went through in her own childhood, but maybe... shouldn't she have known better the whole time then? Her actions were still abysmal, no matter her motivations brought on by desperation (leaning towards insanity), at the expense of her daughter's humanity.
So the parents' sort-of redemption at the end felt rushed. Too easily forgiven, considering.
The climax is well-written, intense, self-aware, with both sides being heard, and it links to the book's themes of love, understanding, acceptance, and admitting that not everything you believe in is right. Plus it's a huge relief that there is a seemingly-impossible happy ending for our beautiful, real, and determined heroine. But what she went through was still abuse. I think that the book could have benefited from being longer and developing the ending further, apologies and earned forgiveness and all. As it is, it is perfectly wrapped-up and seems too convenient and good to be true.
It's for the message to work, and that's fine. Surprisingly, I did like Rukhsana's toxic Aunty Meena's heel-turn. People do apologise to each other when they've done wrong in this book. Though 'The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali' is the second book in the row I've read now, the previous being 'On the Come Up', where there is an overbearing and bigoted aunt or grandmother to the female protag, while her husband, the uncle or grandfather, is always nice and understanding, and you wonder why he puts up with his hateful wife. This is a recurring sexist trope in YA and children's books (don't even get me started on Jacqueline Wilson's books), and it needs to stop already.
At least Rukhsana does have loving female family members and friends in her life. Her relationship with her white girlfriend, Ariana, is a mixed, complicated bag. But it is realistic, and they might be able to pull through and make things work in spite of their differences and family backgrounds. There is a cultural divide between Rukhsana and her white friends, but through talking about it and listening, maybe understanding (that other people have different lives and privileges than you) can be achieved. Love conquers ignorance and hate, and it is fantastic.
'The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali' - The verdict? Global recommendation. The few problems I have with it in hindsight cannot ruin a truly momentous, monumental reading experience, stirring up emotions, eye-opening revelations, and elation that could even match that of 'The Hate U Give'.
'Rukhsana Ali' is a quick read, but one that will not leave you. I'll let a potential reader take their pick of the spectacular quotes - Rukhsana's voice is grounded, bold, woke, insightful, snarky and clever - as they read it themselves.
It is hope for all the Rukhsana Ali's in the world. It says: We hear you. We understand you. We accept you. We want to help you. We want you to be happy.
Stay strong. Don't give up. Change is coming. It will be worth it. You will always have a choice.
Final Score: 4/5
EDIT: Did the author forget about Aamir in the last few pages?
EDIT 2: I originally referred to Rukhsana as Pakistani once, and not specifically Bengali. Thanks to a commenter pointing this out to me, I have rectified that mistake. I apologise profusely and will not mix the two up again. I don't mind being corrected on matters such as these at all. It is absolutely welcome. Thank you.
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