2023 EDIT: Part of my 2023 clear-up, of books I no longer like, or am no longer interested in, or remember well as standing out, or find as special anymore, or I otherwise will not miss.
Final Score: 3.5/5
Original Review:
I've finally decided that the time is right to tell a personal story, one that is linked to this non-fiction book in a way - explaining one of the reasons why I'm a feminist.
Under a decade ago, in a scriptwriting lecture at university, one of my tutors, an awesome lady who inspired and encouraged us, taught us about the lives of famous women and how one could write films about them. It was a autobiographical assignment. One of the women we looked at is Erin Brockovich, and the DVD film starring Julia Roberts, which the tutor lent me, became one of my favourite films. We also looked at interviews of the real Erin on Youtube.
Now, on that day, I was the only girl in the lecture. When "discussing" Erin Brockovich, literally all the boys around me could think to say about her is that she is "mouthy", that she talks too much. They were not listening to anything she had to say, or paying attention to her outstanding achievements. They didn't care about her bravery, her smarts, or her gigantic triumph against adversity and impossible odds: She was a woman who expressed herself and made herself heard, so she was subject to scorn. She had a voice, she mattered; and the boys hated that.
The other woman we looked at was Margaret Thatcher, and oh boy, you can imagine how the levels of suffocating testosterone around me reached critical peak. Keep in mind that while I call my fellow male students "boys", many of them were older than me; in their mid-to-late twenties at least. Yet they behaved as immaturely as ten-year-olds-to-adolescents who had just discovered the art of masturbation and sneaking pictures of unsuspecting naked girls around on their phones. The men in that lecture again literally could not think of a single nice or positive thing to say about former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. She was totally unsympathetic - impossible to make a hero and focus of in a film. To them 'The Iron Lady' was an anomaly, a bad fluke. How they insulted her like internet trolls in the flesh, you'd think she was worse than Hitler.
As men, they felt entitled to express themselves - express whatever they are feeling at that exact moment, with no thought to who they might be hurting - however they want, wherever they want, no matter the situation. Women on the other hand? They should just shut up all the time. No matter that the person teaching them was a woman, or that there was a girl seated right beside them, learning with them. Or not learning, with them disrupting and disrespecting the lesson.
So there I was, learning about these amazing women, and admiring how even Hollywood couldn't ignore their impact on our culture and society; but because of fragile male egos, rather than being inspired, I felt uncomfortable the entire lecture. I was too painfully shy to speak out, for I knew then that I would either be ignored or shut down verbally, made fun of, called a killjoy for not participating in misogyny; in the desecration of my gender.
During a break, when the men left the room, I felt I had to speak to my tutor about my feelings, hoping she would understand. After all, she saw and heard everything the guys said, with me silent and figuratively shrinking in the middle of it all. I told her about why this had to be put up with, and the tutor, who I remember fondly and admire greatly to this day, said something along the lines of this:
"(paraphrasing) Men have always been uncomfortable about strong women, so they insult her and get angry at her as a defense mechanism. They don't really know any other way of expressing their feelings. It's just the way things are, you will have to get used to it."
Translation: Boys will be boys.
And even then, as young as I was, I thought this was unacceptable. Men hate women, and women just have to deal with that? Deal with male violence, male entitlement, sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape, common death by a male partner's hand, and a whole list of other issues and reasons that misogyny has destroyed humanity as a species? Why? Who decided that this was normal? That men's certain behaviour is not worth getting upset and worried about, even when they are absolutely worth getting upset and worried about?
The patriarchy makes men static, irrational, overreacting, overemotional, and paranoid, and this system has twisted human society so we are told that it is the women who are like this, and so are deserving of scorn and violence. And judging from my experience with full-on misogyny in that lecture room that day, the patriarchy makes men and boys no better than wild animals, un-evolved cavemen fearful of reality. And it's "just how they are", so women have to smile, put up with their bullshit: as they have done since the dawn of civilization.
The fact that "boys will be boys" was said to me back at university - where collage campuses the world over are horrifyingly, disgracefully notorious for their lad culture fraternities and their rape problems not being dealt with (to the point of a near epidemic, considering what isn't reported), not just in the US - really says it all. I'd only wanted to learn - to write about real, brilliant, complex, human women in our modern history who made a difference, and the toxic boys' club mentality kept me from feeling safe and secure in my environment. Making me feel unwelcome, that my accomplishments will mean nothing, if insecure men in need of an easy target would have it otherwise. No wonder I've always been so quiet, afraid to voice my views most of the time.
Because I'm aware of the blatant gender disparity and double standards in our world - learned from experience as well as the news and online - I am a feminist.
'Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism' by Natasha Walter was one of the first non-fiction feminist texts I'd read. It is fairly straightforward, simple and a little dated nowadays for a nuanced feminist, but it is worth reading for any new and young aspiring feminists. It's mostly about the author's hatred of pink, girls' cooking and baby-caring toys, Barbie, and Disney Princess-type things. It is similar to Peggy Orenstein's 'Cinderella Ate My Daughter' in that it explores western gender segregation encouraged from a very young age, and how super-skinny, super-white fashion dolls are not good role models for little girls' confidence and self-esteem. Neither are big-breasted, skimpy, doll-like, constantly sexually-objectified, uncomfortable-looking models, nor vapid, personality-less reality TV stars.
"Women talk three times as much as men," my arse. As if men would allow women that much freedom to express themselves. Interruption and mansplaining, hello. And men are not emotionless or more "practical-minded" from birth. "Power" is not synonymous with "man". Sexist stereotyping has nothing to do with science and biology, it is harmful and threatening. Pornography, especially in the online world, is dissected in the book as well.
Sexual liberation- that is safe and consensual - for women, forever!
Here's a quote not worth forgetting: "Instead of desperately longing for the right to be seen as human beings, today's girls are playing with the old-fashioned notion of being seen as sex objects. This is not terrifying news. In fact, to me, this is the ultimate feminist ideal." This was published in The Guardian once.
'Living Dolls' was published in 2010. Fuck is it depressing how far we still have to go to achieve equality in 2018. In a lot of ways things have been going backwards in the last few years. Terrifying.
Never undermine women's experiences.
Guys - not all, but some of you, like in fraternity cultures - not everything is about you. And especially during a class where there are women trying to learn, just shut the fuck up, please. Check your privilege. Check you are not sprouting toxic, medieval bullshit.
LISTEN. Listen with women as well as to them. Progressive change benefits everyone.
I have a voice now, and I am not afraid to use it. I will not lose it. I can't afford to.
Final Score: 4/5
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