Here lists my biggest disappointments, my most unimpressed reads, and others I can honestly say I hated, or thought were a big waste of my time this year. Please note that this is my opinion; if you like any of these books, great. I'm glad they brought joy to others. Sadly, to me they didn't cut it. Keep in mind also that with the 245 books I've read in the year, this Worst list is small pickings in comparison to an otherwise spectacular and fulfilling reading year for me.
Well, no more stalling, the end of 2017 is near, so let's get this started, if briefly:
30. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman
- I know that everybody loves this book. It's a critically-acclaimed prize winner with a film deal, and I was really looking forward to being everybody, too. But... I'm sorry, but what started with such promise - humour, lightheartedness, commentary on contemporary womanhood, like an updated Bridget Jones' Diary without any romance - turned into something which made me think throughout reading, "Sorry, I thought this was about a socially-awkward, funny yet lonely introverted woman learning to get out more and live life to the fullest, not a Hollywood crime thriller". Because that is what Eleanor Oliphant is: Hollywood. It's a gross, stereotypical representation of mental illness and childhood trauma, at times too dark for its own good, and so ridiculous and laughable I couldn't take it seriously. Eleanor the social outcast has Ping Pong Naivete down to a T, to absurd levels. The novel is predictable, contrived, and boring, though how it depicts therapy sessions and therapists is very good, and untypically Hollywood. Eleanor Oliphant has one of the stupidest "twist endings" I have ever read, in a "Like, you can't be serious, this only happens in films" way. Whatever, I'm done talking about this tonally-deaf, melodramatic Oscar film bait of a novel.
29. Following Ophelia by Sophia Bennett
- A chance read from my local library. The writing is lovely and mainly action-and-character-orientated, set in the impoverished art world of 18th-19th century England. Sadly, the story is fairly predictable YA: beautiful Mary Sue heroine, hot male love interest, forbidden romance, a love triangle of sorts, misunderstandings abound, female friends who are rarely around, internalized misogyny, contrived melodrama to swing a dead cat at, and an older rich woman turning out to be the spawn of Satan motivated by jealousy over dick. Of course, how could she be anything else!? I hardly learned anything new about the Victorian times from Following Ophelia, either. While certainly not among the worst YA books I've read, it is overall pretty dry, bland, forgettable, and uninspired, which is a failure for a book about beautiful paintings and expressing oneself individually.
28. Fairy Keeper by Amy Bearce
- Another forgettable YA romance that happens to be set in a fantasy world filled with fairies and unicorns. It should be more exciting than it sounds! Rather bland and annoying characters, low stakes, and a promising plot turned weak by an apathetic writing style, Fairy Keeper is an extra addition on my biggest disappointments of the year list.
27. Batman: Harley and Ivy by Paul Dini, Bruce Timm, Various
- I'm just going to call Harley and Ivy what it is: porn on training wheels. Sexist, homophobic, boundary-crossing, queerbaiting trash. And not entertaining trash, more like the insufferable, infuriating, editorially-mandated, barely-held-together, Suicide Squad movie-type trash. Its pandering fanservice is insulting, especially when done in the family-friendly style of Batman: The Animated Series - children will be reading this! Girls who look up to Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy as believable characters will be reading this! The only thing I liked about the whole comic is the story where Batgirl teams up with Harley to save Ivy - not only because Batgirl's in it, but because I actually believe it could be an episode from the television series. It is competently written. Did Paul Dini seriously write this? He's so much better than this nonsense! Harley and Ivy deserve better than this.
26. Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne
- An anticipated YA read about anxiety, mental illness, and feminism. Sadly it didn't live up to my expectations. I found the main character to be annoying, reckless and hypocritical, even if it's to build up to a lesson learned, I could not bring myself to like her. The other characters are not as fleshed out or memorable as they could have been. The parents are awful, as is typical in YA, and there is the obligatory saintly little sister character as well. There was nobody I could like in Am I Normal Yet?, apart from the girl's therapist, maybe, who gives excellent life lessons. However, what I found to be the book's biggest failing is in its teaching about feminism: it is superfluous and has little to do with the story. Is it to teach the OCD main character about rape culture and never giving in to peer pressure and not have sex when you're unready, unprepared? Is it to teach how some teenage boys are arseholes and manipulative, passive aggressive dicks? The feminist messages seem forced and sloppily included. It could have all worked out very well, but I couldn't care less about the dumb characters. At least the toxic, abusive main "romance" is seen as such, if not until the end when it must be as apparent to the main character as possible, like when a literal dick in the face is needed to finally see the light of one's mistakes. The couple doesn't stay together, which is a relief.
25. Batgirl, Vol. 1: The Batgirl of Burnside by Cameron Stewart, Brendan Fletcher, Various
- Hipster, dumb-as-a-rock Barbara Gordon. Need I say more? Incredibly lame, dated and pandering, I couldn't stand this regressive treatment of Batgirl. At least the last issue is interesting, self-aware, and creative, but by then it was too little too late. Why must Barbara be like a horny teenager all of a sudden!? I hated her bickering with Black Canary, too.
24. Storm, Vol. 1: Make it Rain by Greg Pak, Various
- So boring. No plot, just issues of Storm doing shit which seems hollow and pointless in the long run. And why does Storm only have three facial expressions: pissed off, super pissed off, and cackling evil? This is definitely not for newer Storm or X-Men fans, either, making it confusing and difficult to connect to any of the characters. I learned nothing new about Storm after reading this solo comic of hers - I still have little clue as to what her actual personality is supposed to be.
23. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz
- Another library read. Another YA novel that isn't for me. The writing style can be nice, deep and authentic at times, but it grates on me in a 400-page stream-of-consciousness scribble containing no plot to speak of. Not a beautiful or well-written or developed LBGTQ relationship, either, in my opinion. Aristotle and Dante drags on for far too long, and it skims so much in its timespan of over a year. The characters can be likable and realistic, except near the end where they are not, and as is typical of YA it falls into the trap of getting more contrived and climactic and violent - i.e. something happening at last that has to be as rushed and dramatic as possible - the closer it gets to the end. Its third act, if you can call it that, is all talk and action and revelations without the proper, believable development that could have been utilized throughout the rest of the novel. Didn't enjoy this book that everybody else loves, I'm afraid. Great, authentic POC representation, however.
22. Ashfall by Mike Mullin
- I can't believe I gave this three stars originally. Because overall, Ashfall isn't very good. The main character is too unbelievable and resilient on his deadly journey in a post-apocalyptic-like setting. He is far too lucky and intelligent for a teenage boy whose life experiences are limited to playing World of Warcraft and martial arts lessons, which conveniently help him to stay alive throughout the book (yes, World of Warcraft contains useful lessons for surviving the end of the world, or your town, apparently). In fact, everything about this book is convenient: the meetings with certain characters, old and new, the food and water rations, walking for days on end to the right places in a short amount of time throughout an American state, etc. And I thought The Road required a considerable amount of suspending one's disbelief. There is also a gratuitous rape scene which has no impact or consequences for any of the characters involved whatsoever - indeed it is barely mentioned again afterwards. It is only there for shock value. Grief is badly portrayed too, and the main character is a selfish, unfeeling dick as well as a lucky son of a bitch. YA clichés include a forced romance with the first new person of the opposite gender the protagonist meets, who has to be pretty, even during an apocalypse and a state of emergency. And for a supposedly smart and tough girl, she's really stupid in some areas, like thinking that condoms are reusable. She's a damsel in distress mostly, not a takes-no-shit action girl - a mechanic, ooh! - the male author clearly wants to make you think she is. The ending includes not one but at least three laughably contrived and ridiculous endings. Realistic, my arse. Let's move on.
21. When the Moon Was Ours by Anne-Marie McLemore
- I didn't even finish this one. I'm sorry, this is yet another universally beloved book. But when I get to over 100 pages and I know more about what colour everybody's bloody house is than I do about any of the characters' personalities, then there's a problem. The overblown writing, the purple prose, the magical realism, it was suffocating me. Good trans inclusion, but that was not enough to keep me interested in reading more of this chore.
20. Batman: The Killing Joke by Alan Moore and Brian Bolland
- Do I need to say anything here? I've talked about this overrated comic loads of times before when discussing Batgirl. Now that I have read the whole thing, at only 50 pages, I wish I hadn't bothered. It is unpleasant, mean-spirited, disturbing and not in a good or thought-provoking way, and gratuitous in its sex and violence. And misogynistic as hell. Is this really what people wanted for an adult Batman story? Is misogyny and sexual assault the answer to a "grown-up" story? Of course Alan Moore didn't think that any women or sexual assault survivors would read this - comics in the eighties were all about white men, and white men's pain. The Joker's backstory is generic and lame - why give him a backstory to begin with? He could have been anyone; that's one of the things that made him so scary. Now I will never find him intimidating ever again. Alan Moore, you're the gift that keeps on giving, aren't you? Having spawned an even more terrible and misogynistic animated film adaptation in 2016, I can now say that I legitimately hate The Killing Joke. It has done more harm than good for the comic book industry, and no amount of great artwork can change that. It should be seen as a cautionary tale, not praised. Darker doesn't always mean better storytelling, DC.
19. Just One Damned Thing After Another by Jodi Taylor
- This started off so good! It was funny, it was original, it was clever - a unique angle to take with time travel. I could see this being made into an Edgar Wright film, it is that wacky yet subtle and intelligent. But then rape culture had to rear its ugly, Harvey Weinstein-shaped head in the middle of the book. Without giving too much away, I will say that the awesome female lead ends up not only forgiving her attempted murderer and rapist, but lauding him as a hero and genius - going so far as to dedicate a museum exhibit to him. Because so what if he was a misogynistic, corrupt traitor to your beloved organisation who shoved his penis at you while you were asleep, and then tried to kill you and abandon you in the prehistoric era for profit? He was a smart inventor! That's what's important, right? Adding to the bullshit pile is enough internalized misogyny to make white feminists throw a party at the White House - there's a main female villain whom the female protagonist repeatedly refers to as a bitch, and greedy for daring to be a woman with ambition. Oh and the female protag's love interest suddenly, out of nowhere, from being a decent person, goes nuts and calls her a slut for having a miscarriage and not telling him about it within the short amount of time of them being reunited after a time travel mission. She had saved his life and those of their friends, by the way. He doesn't consider her feelings at all. What shit is this? Did a different writer take over after the first act? And the second act? Nothing is consistent or connects well, which for a time travel/paradox story might make sense, but I doubt it was intentional here. What a sorrowful disappointment, for a comedic series.
18. Catwoman, Vol. 1: The Game by Judd Winick and Guillem March
- An overall pointless, gratuitously fanservice-y and violent, hollow, empty DC New 52 comic that tries way too hard to be dark and edgy for the sake of it. I didn't care about Selina Kyle or anyone. She's a sex object with an attitude, no matter how much Judd Winick tries to convince the reader otherwise. Who the hell gets dressed in and out of their underwear in the middle of an escape plan, whilst running on rooftops and hanging on wires!? A few artwork panels are unintentionally hilarious, though.
17. Avalon: The Warlock Diaries Omnibus by Rachel Roberts and Shiei
- What a disappointment. Any fans of the Avalon: Web of Magic books may want to stay clear of this. It is beeny-bopper, manga-style junk food for preteen girls. There is too much focus on Kara and her forced, not-developed romantic relationship with a pretty boy warlock from another realm - the other two girls, Emily and Adrienne, barely get any character time at all. They might as well not be in the manga. It's just stupid, and there's no respect for its female readers present. Rachel Roberts wrote this, really? Also when a human turns evil - like, he turns into a slave for the villain - his skin turns dark. Well, no unfortunate implications there! The plot ploughs stupidly on towards one of the biggest anticlimaxes I have ever seen, and I was done. So much for those high stakes! The Warlock Diaries isn't about female friendships or bonds with animals like the books are, it's about a dumb romance based on the physical attraction between two thirteen-year-olds. I'm too old and cultured for this shit.
16. Crystal Cadets by Anne Toole, Katie O'Neill and Paulina Ganucheau
- One of the shallowest, most generic inclusions to the Magical Girl genre I have read about. There is almost nothing new here, nothing challenging, nothing interesting. The simple plot gets confusing in a lot of panels, like ordinary citizens not caring about monsters attacking the main Magical Girls. In public. In broad daylight. Or the Magical Girls themselves just accepting their destinies, their Chosen One status, no questions asked. The main villain doesn't even have a name; just the Darkness. Darkness this, Darkness that. It gets cringeworthy every time the big bad Darkness is mentioned. How lazy and boring, even for a kids' comic. Because the authors of Crystal Cadets have done much better things, like Zodiac Starforce and Princess Princess Ever After! Yes, Crystal Cadets has nice, colourful artwork, and it can be cute, but it lacks thought and heart. It's stale and almost shamefully unoriginal in every aspect. I expect smarter, well-written material to come from the Magical Girl genre nowadays. One more thing: the main protagonist, Zoe, looks exactly like Elyon from W.I.T.C.H.
15. Goddess of the Night by Lynne Ewing
- An old YA, older than Twilight, so I guess I can't criticize it for its clichés and quite frankly bland and uneventful storytelling and characters. Oh, I think I just did. Goddess of the Night just hasn't aged well, in my opinion. It's like if Charmed, Sailor Moon and Clueless were put into a big marketing blender. It's like a YA book about Magical Girls, but it needs better development of the characters. Also there's a bad boy villain so obviously being set up for a nauseating love triangle in the next books it isn't even funny. Boy drama is not for me, especially involving abusive, manipulative arsehole boys who nearly kill the female protag's girl friends, thank you very much.
14. Wonder Woman, Vol. 2: Love and Murder by Jodi Piccoult, Various
- Yep, the author's name being astronomically bigger than the superheroine's on the cover is certainly not part of a publicity stunt, oh no. In this comic contains one of the weakest depictions of Wonder Woman. She is clueless and naïve, when she has been among humans and man's world for years, and was an ambassador at that. It is just lame, messy and inconsistent, with DC editorial mandates showing all over the stinking place. I'm sure Jodi Piccoult tried her best, and the bad decisions were likely on DC's head rather than hers. But Love and Murder is bad, and as a further, unfortunate insult to injury, it leads to one of the worst Wonder Woman comic events of all time: Amazons Attack!
13. Cinnamon by Neil Gaiman and Jill Schwarz
- Oh yes, Neil Gaiman, why don't you teach kids everywhere that physical abuse (bleeding!) to make people - specifically children - do what you want them to is a good thing? Why don't you teach them to be intimidated by and obliging to powerful figures who won't take no for an answer and who assume they can do whatever they want? That said intimidating figure can kidnap a child and take her to who-knows-where-land no problem? Or that old women are annoying nags who deserve to die, to get eaten by tigers, and no one will mourn them? That it is better for women to be remembered as young and beautiful, not old and past her prime, for women are merely possessions to be looked at and fawned over for their physical attractiveness, like a picture frame hung upon a wall? Fuck you. I'm never reading anything else penned by you again. The artwork is gorgeous, however. Sad it wasn't used for a better story.
12. Henchgirl by Kristen Gudsnuk
- I thought this was going to be fun, cute and funny. Not horrifying and unpleasant as hell. Seriously, why were there women being decapitated here? Being murdered horrifically? The disgusting images, the nightmare fuel! What is this, Game of Thrones meets adult animated sitcoms? The artwork is ugly and the main characters are unlikable and idiotic. The end.
11. Pirates! by Celia Rees
- Yet another DNF. A pirate book should not be boring! I don't think I need to explain this! It is also a book about slavery from the point of view of the white oppressors - because fuck knows we don't have enough of those! I just couldn't care less about this one, I'm afraid.
10. The Curious World of Calpurnia Tate by Jacqueline Kelly
- Big, big disappointment. It was bad enough to make me question what it was I liked about the previous book, The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate, which was my favourite book read in 2016. Yes, it destroyed my spirit that powerfully. Nothing happens - like, nothing interesting. The characters went back to how they were before. There is an inkling of internalized misogyny in Calpurnia's relationship with her closed-off, traumatized cousin, which hardly got any kind of development, at least until the very end. How typical. I found this book to be boring and lifeless. Will Calpurnia Tate give up on her explorer and scientist dreams and be a real lady? It looks like it's going that way, given the lack of enthusiasm and charm and wonder she exhibits throughout the book. She's gone, and I am left dead inside. And this is why I rarely read sequels. I've learned my lesson.
9. The Abyss Surrounds Us by Emily Skrutskie
- What did I read? What is this YA book honestly about? Tell me the truth! I came into The Abyss Surrounds Us expecting an action-packed, exciting, dystopian, lesbian pirate adventure that explores themes of nurturing and female companionship. Instead what I got was a boring-as-hell, flat, drab teen girl book with underdeveloped world building and character relationships, and Stockholm Syndrome that isn't addressed at all. Because it doesn't count when both the captor and captive are girls, right? The Stockholm Syndrome was like a giant elephant in the book, casting its shadow over everything while the characters - and the author - do their damnedest to ignore it. The relationship between the two girls is unhealthy and abusive, and practically nothing changes between them throughout this slog fest of a narrative. The evil pirate captain is a woman of colour, and she apparently has a young son who barely appears and isn't even given a name. Wonderful. At least the protagonist is Asian, and gay. But I didn't care about anybody - they could all get eaten by the Kraken and I wouldn't have blinked. Terribly disappointed in this LBGTQ inclusion in YA. Moving on.
8. Blood Red Road by Moira Young
- Very, very glad I got this from the library. I had been curious about Blood Red Road for years, but I never got around to buying it as a teenager. Now my curiosity is fulfilled. It is like The Hunger Games meets Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome meets every YA dystopian, post-apocalyptic book ever. The writing style is interesting and I got into it no problem. But in the end, I hated the generic hate-you-but-love-you romance, the internalized misogyny, the cruelty, the nonsensical and inconsistent "tough" female lead, and most of all, I hated the male love interest, Jack. How anyone can tolerate this arsehole, I don't know. How the "tough" female lead could fall for him, I have no fucking idea. There is nothing endearing or likable about him. I have a low tolerance for abusive, patronizing teenage dickholes with tragic pasts that perfectly excuse them for being giant dickheads. I wished Jack would go away, and take his YA tropey romance disease with him - he ultimately ruined Blood Red Road for me. Romance ruined it for me. Fuck romance in YA.
7. The Tulip Touch by Anne Fine
- Dull, lifeless, no clear narrative structure or how time passes, no development built between any of the character relationships whatsoever. It is supposed to be linear (I think), and a teen-to-children's horror novel. But if I don't care about the characters, then I don't care about anything else in the story, end of. It is also cheesy and preachy, with no normal, human dialogue written. It's like a bad, low budget horror film in book form.
6. Tsubasa: Those with Wings, Omnibus 1 by Natsuki Takaya
- From the author of my favourite manga series, Fruits Basket, comes Tsubasa: a generic, YA dystopian romance in manga form. Boring, underwhelming, and infuriating - reinforcing typical anime and manga gender roles of abuse - I did not like this at all. Also Takaya-sensei really does draw her characters alike all across her works.
5. Pretty Deadly, Vol. 1: The Shrike by Kelly Sue DeConnick and Emma Ríos
- What. The. Hell? What happened? Who were the characters again? I could barely see what was going on half the time. Was this meant to be enjoyed? What was the point of this? I adore Kelly Sue DeConnick and her work on Captain Marvel and Bitch Planet, but I'm sorry: Pretty Deadly is pretentious, not well-thought-out twaddle.
4. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1 by Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill
- So this is a comic book classic, huh? Should have been titled, A bunch of whiny men with fragile egos whining about a woman making reasonable decisions and leading them and keeping them alive. There, that's more accurate. The comic is so absurdly male, so eighties, so filled with testosterone bait, that it's laughable. And of course the lone woman - as part of the Smurfette Principle - is smart and brave, but she's dehumanized by the men because of her gender. Different time periods, whatever, there is no excuse. And it wouldn't be an Alan Moore comic without gratuitous scenes of women getting sexually assaulted! Is there something I'm missing here? The adventure plot is boring and uninteresting. The misogyny is strong with this one; for that, it can kindly piss off. The artwork is ugly as sin, too.
3. Harley Quinn, Volume 1: Die Laughing by Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti
- Oh Harley Quinn, just what in the name of the seven circles of Hell is DC doing to you? Harley is one step away from quite literally flinging shit at the walls at this point. Die Laughing is horrifying, unpleasant, painfully unfunny, embarrassing, and depressing. One cover of a new issue I saw on Facebook has Harley and her "friends" (I can't in all good conscience call them friends for real) as skeletons in spacesuits, in space. I... who is this run made for? Who are Amanda Connor, Jimmy Palmiotti and crew trying to appeal to here? This is sick. Thank fuck I didn't pay for this shit and got it at the library. Give us canon Harley and Ivy, already, you cowards at DC! You've already had her do every unspeakable thing imaginable just to see how far you can get away with censorship, so why the queerbaiting bullshit, still? DC Bombshells is ahead of you in that progression! Urgh! Wash this bad taste out of my mouth, my sight, my mind.
2. Soul Eater, Vol. 1 by Atsushi Ohkubo
- Fanservice! That's what you get out of the Soul Eater manga! Big breasts, female bath scenes, and underaged panty shots! Horrible people doing horrible things. No thanks.
1. Nancy Drew: The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene
- Nancy Drew has got to be the blandest, whitest female lead of all time. She's not a character, she's not a real person, she's a marketing tool: a robot programmed to teach young girls of the 20th century how to act like a proper lady, even if she were to use her brains, and do things like become a detective. Barbie has more personality than her. This book did absolutely nothing for me. No emotion, no investment, no engagement, no curiosity, nothing. For a mystery involving a lot of death, it is instantly forgettable. Using my own ladylike detective skills, I'd say that culminates in the first Nancy Drew "adventure" being the worst book I have read in 2017.
Phew!
Well...
Happy New Year, everyone. And I mean it. May 2018 be different, positive and special in every way.
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