Ready Player One Read-Through: Chapter 39

Content warning: sexism, misogyny, references to racism and homophobia.



The final reckoning.





Wade logs out of the OASIS and is greeted by Morrow, who lets him know that GSS executives and Halliday's lawyers are waiting for him. Important stuff. For grown-ups. But Wade's priorities are as off-kilter as ever, and he wants to see Art3mis, in the flesh. And Morrow encourages him.


"Thanks, Og," I said. "I owe you one."
    "Nonsense!" he said. "I  should be thanking you. I haven't had this much fun in decades! You did good, kid." (Page 369)


Morrow did nothing during the final battle in the OASIS. As he had said in chapter 33, he just sat back and watched as lives were put in danger. For his amusement. He had fun watching people suffer - for something he could have easily prevented had he been bothered to. All he ever did that was useful was offer safe places for the kids to log into the OASIS.


"Do you know which way Art3mis went?"
    Og grinned at me, then pointed. "Up those stairs and out the first door you see," he said. "She said she'd wait for you at the center of my hedge maze." He smiled. "It's an easy maze. It shouldn't take you very long to find her." (Page 369)


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I am rendered speechless.

The above quote tells you all you need to know about this chapter - the final chapter. It speaks for itself.

Any doubt that Art3mis is nothing but a love interest and walking vagina in Ready Player One is instantly shattered by that quote. Reality sets in, and you realize what Cline has done.

Because he did it. He fucking did it.

Art3mis is literally the gamer Wade's prize - his trophy - in the real world.

She is the beautiful thing waiting ever-so patiently and elegantly for him in the middle of a hedge maze. She wants him to come to her, like Penelope pining for Odysseus after his ordeals. This is played out exactly like how a video game would, once the last level is finished by the player. If the OASIS is Wade's prize in the virtual world, then Art3mis - a human being - is his prize in the real world. His first kiss and lay are the final achievement points.

Art3mis is Princess Peach to Wade's Mario.

Make no mistake: this is intentional. A woman prize, deliberately placed by the author in a maze, waits for the triumphant hero, while sitting on a stone bench, near a fountain, looking pretty and ethereal to the hero. Meaning: sexually available at long last.

The scene drags this out melodramatically, like we're suppose to care that they get together. I mean, come on!

Yes, Art3mis is still a video game trophy even if she was never technically a damsel in distress. Though Wade's warning email to her about the Sixers' kidnapping and murdering plot did end up saving her life. Plus Morrow's refuge.

Strong, smart, independent woman, MY. FUCKING. ARSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE HER FIGHT! EVER!

I could have mentioned this at anytime in the book; I did mention it in the introduction, but I saved myself from reiterating, until the final, most blatantly sexist chapter ever. And here it is: Feminists love Ready Player One. Well-known feminist writers and reviewers give it five-star ratings on Goodreads and on book jackets. They really like Art3mis and see her as a good if not great female character.

What have you done, Ready Player One? You scare me. You are the harbinger of the apocalypse, as far as I'm concerned.

Wade gets everything he ever wanted. Riches. Power. The girl. The quintessential girl, at that. Freedom to do whatever he wants for the rest of his life. I hate him. I hate him so much. What kind of hero gets everything he wants? Are we seriously meant to root for and look up to this loser/author-insert, male power fantasy?

So, he goes outside, walks through a maze, and at the center, there she is, sitting by the fountain, looking like an ad princess. She is naturally shy, uncomfortable and self-conscious in letting him see her, in their first real meeting. And naturally Wade gets all up in front of her and doesn't respect her personal space.


She looked just as she had in the photo I'd seen. She had the same Rubenesque body. The same pale, freckled skin. The same hazel eyes and raven hair. The same beautiful round face, with the same reddish birthmark. But unlike in that photo, she wasn't trying to hide the birthmark with a sweep of her hair. She had her hair brushed back, so I could see it. (Page 370)


Art3mis still had to conform to Wade's unrealistic feminine beauty standards in order for him to pay any kind of attention to her. He fell for her avatar first and foremost. Like I've said before, her birthmark makes no difference. It is not a flaw. Wade still thinks she's beautiful. That is the exact word he calls her.

Looks are not everything, Wade. You haven't even talked to her yet.

What the hell is a "Rubenesque body"? Meaning round or plump, but in an attractive way? So she is chubby, but sexy, curvy chubby? More of her for him to love? And who outside of a bad YA paranormal romance and a Disney film would describe anyone as having "raven hair"? Wade objectifies every female he meets. And it is the end of the story.

Our hero.

The final, painfully long, sappy and manipulative scene does nothing for the issue of women's low-self-esteem in our sexist, narrow-minded, simple, materialistic and shallow society. Or if it does it makes it worse than it already is.

Regardless of any "real" women not looking 100% perfect in Ready Player One's world, they are still referred to by their looks. By their attractiveness according to heterosexual men, who want to own them. Art3mis's body is being scrutinized and judged at this moment. While she is vulnerable and self-conscious, upon meeting a stranger. Because a woman's perceived sexiness by het men's standards should be all that is important about her.

Real women starve themselves and put their bodies through hell - ultimately erasing themselves, and letting others handle and cut their physical, most intimate parts - in order to achieve a narrow, impossible standard in western culture. A standard shown in images from films, TV, ads, magazines, games, and so much more; bombarding and pressuring women every day of their lives. For it is this "perfection" and "sexiness" and "allure" and "mystery" that will make them loved. That will make men love and pay attention to them. Bonus life achievement if the man is rich and influential and literally treats his woman like a trophy. That is the overall, patriarchal message. That is the message to the girls and women who are reading Ready Player One.

Burn in Hell, Cline. Which in your case would be a world full of diverse pop culture, rich in female, POC and queer leading women, shining like stars. Given the chance they deserve after too long. Equality - oh the horror.

The two talk. I don't care. I don't care about them or their stupid relationship that is 90% fantasy-orientated.

How lucky ducky mucky fucky as well that Wade's twoo wuv is almost the exact same age as him!


I smiled. "We're going to use all of the moolah we just won to feed everyone on the planet. We're going to make the world a better place, right?"
    She grinned. "Don't you want to build a huge interstellar spaceship, load it full of videogames, junk food, and comfy couches, and then get the hell out of here?"
    "I'm up for that, too," I said. "If it means I get to spend the rest of my life with you." 
    She gave me a shy smile. "We'll have to see," she said. "We just met, you know."
    "I'm in love with you."
    Her lower lip started to tremble. "You're sure about that?"
    "Yes, I am. Because it's true." (Page 371)


Oh, you almost had us there, Wade. Thanks for reminding us who you are and where your priorities lie!

You're not in love with her, idiot. Like she said, you've just met. You are living in a fantasy still, even in the real world.

Wade Watts remains a selfish ass who learns nothing, to the very end.

Art3mis/Samantha apologizes for "breaking things off" with him. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP APOLOGIZING TO HIM! HE HAS NOT EARNED IT! YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! HE'S A DELUDED STALKER!

I'm sick of this. End already!


"Listen," I said. "We can take things as slow as you like. I'm really a nice guy, once you get to know me. I swear." (Page 372)


KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Did I mention that I'm also extremely rich?" I said. "Of course, so are you, so I don't suppose that's a big selling point." (Page 372)


ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"You don't need to sell me on anything, Wade," she said. "You're my best friend. My favorite person." With what appeared to be some effort, she looked me in the eye. "I've really missed you, you know that?" (Page 372)


END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Where is all of this coming from? Why does Samantha like Wade? Try answering that question. The reasons that Wade "loves" her are obvious, but what about her feelings towards him? Oh yeah, because the plot says she should "love" the hero back. Because fuck reality.)


Some time later, she leaned over and kissed me. It felt just like all those songs and poems had promised it would. It felt wonderful. Like being struck by lightning.
    It occurred to me then that for the first time in as long as I could remember, I had absolutely no desire to log back into the OASIS. (Page 372)


Well, ain't that Peachy?

Women's responsibility in life is to ground men in reality, or what passes for it; as evident by this ending line.

"like all those songs and poems had promised it would." Like I've stated so many times before, no basis in reality is present anywhere in Ready Player One.

Wade and Samantha don't know each other. She is the only girl his age he's ever known. Sure, these kids' relationship will last! They have a lifetime to talk to one another about '80s pop culture crap and play dated video games together! They share nothing else in common, so that is what I have to go on!

And with that torturous sapfest that would make Mills & Boon throw up, the novel ends.

No last word from Helen, Akihide or anyone else; anyone who is a POC or queer. What they will do with their lives now is rendered unimportant. It was all about the loser nerd Wade getting laid the whole time.

Millions of copies sold and films rights for this reassuring message to het cis white male geeks: that their obsessions and complete lack of social skills and tack will make beautiful girls love them. Beautiful geek girls (but not as geeky or talented as the guys) will love them (for anything other than pretty in a girl is unacceptable, after all). Eventually. They'll see.

Their unhealthy obsessions with gaming, films and TV will also make them richer and more powerful than god. They could rule the world under their terrifying thumb.

As long as they're white, straight and male, of course. Heroes can only be those things.

Wade Owen Watts is a winner, yet the biggest, luckiest loser of all time.

With those parting words, I'm free.



Here is a sample of reviews from Ready Player One's Wikipedia page:


Ready Player One was a New York Times bestseller. Among those praising the book were Entertainment Weekly, The Boston Globe, The A.V. Club, CNN.com, io9, and Boing Boing. USA Today wrote that the novel "undoubtedly qualifies Cline as the hottest geek on the planet right now. NPR said that the book was "ridiculously fun and large-hearted". Cline "takes a far-out premise and engages the reader instantly" with a "deeply felt narrative [that] makes it almost impossible to stop turning the pages." Janet Maslin of The New York Times wrote that "The book gets off to a witty start" but noted that it lacks at least one dimension, stating that gaming had overwhelmed everything else about this book. Rebecca Serle of HuffPost described the book as "the grown-up's Harry Potter" and that it "has it all – nostalgia, trivia, adventure, romance, heart and, dare I say it, some very fascinating social commentary."

The book has been translated into over 20 languages.


And here is a criticism of the film adaptation:


This film received criticism for its lack of character development and its "achingly regressive" view of pop culture fans.


BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I take it that not many film critics have read the book. It sounds like a faithful adaption to me.

Everything about those reviews (except for, partly, Janet Maslin's): I know it's an infuriating, overrated and overused meme and joke, but "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" perfectly describes how I am feeling right now.

I also feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

(Harry Potter is more grown-up than Ready Player One ever hoped to be.)

At the end of his acknowledgements, Ernest Cline writes, "I hope that--like Halliday's hunt-- this book will inspire others to seek out their creations." Yeah, sorry, but this is BS. No doubt that he worked very hard to write Ready Player One, his baby, his passion, his "tribute to geeks"; but it is anything but creative. Anything but new. Anything but inspiring. Unless it's to inspire to resist change and progress, and stick to the comfy past and the status quo.






I'll properly end this post - this project of mine for my blog - by concluding my final thoughts:

Ready Player One is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the most retrograde, reductionist, desperate, insecure, overrated, cliche-ridden, trope-ridden, unoriginal, unrealistic, unfunny, un-satirical, un-self-aware, dull, ridiculous, contrived, male-catering, male fantasy-indulgent, violence-indulgent, lazy, by-the-numbers, insulting, enraging, sexist, racist, and offensive books I have ever read. And Wade Watts is one of the worst "heroes" I have ever come across in fiction. I don't understand its popularity. Will I, a geek feminist woman, ever?

Dark times are upon us, and this "work of art" is not helping us.

Have a loving, shining, hopeful day. Always try your best to make things better. Everybody deserves better.

Geeks and nerds of all ages, genders, sexes, races, sexual identities, backgrounds, countries, abilities, and knowledge certainly deserve better than Ready Player One. You matter. You are heroes of your own story.

I won't be doing anything more like this. The world is already too full of hatred, anger and negativity. I want to go back to positive stuff, stuff that makes me happy and hopeful. I'm done.



P.S. I will not be reading the sequel.