'Lavender Clouds' - nonfiction anecdotal comics all about struggling with mental health problems. It is dark, harrowing, messy, random, nonlinear, and full of ups and downs (mostly downs). So it's a perfect representation of what living with mental health issues - neurodivergence, depression, anxiety, moving on from trauma, stress, tiredness - is like; though it's not the perfect representation, as no one mind, no one brain, no one life, is like another. We are all different, and we all have our own individual struggles and inner battles, and we deal with them in our own ways. Some of us go through these battles with ourselves - not to mention the social interactions, and being forced to endue reality - day by day, year by year, no matter what we're doing or how much we've "progressed" and "healed".
Whether we're ready or not, we have to deal with them. We have to cope somehow. We have to try. Try to find our own happiness and contentment from within.
Wow. I did not want to get too personal in this review, but 'Lavender Clouds', by British introspective and emotional and mental truths comic artist Bex Ollerton, does contain some parts that felt relatable and hit close to home. These spoke of my own mental health struggles for the past year and a half, or at least the experiences are similar. It can be overwhelming.
But Bex Ollerton does offer hope, and a light, a rainbow, in the darkness and hopelessness in a few of her streams of consciousness, mental health comic panels; they become more apparent, more potent, by the end of the book. Plus I really like her art. It is beautiful and meaningful - it's not just chibi art being paradoxically depressing. I love the colours of lavender in 'Lavender Clouds'! And lilac, pink, purple, and yellow, among a host of other colours (like black and white for the saddest yet most poignant segments).
'Lavender Clouds' is all about Bex. We are let into her state of mind, that includes her pessimism, worries, anxieties, insecurities, ADHD, overstimulation, obsessions, bad habits, unhealthy looping and cycling, avoidance, mood swings, lifelines, burnouts, frustrations, trauma, shame, self-hatred, the "why am I like this?" and "I hope this will pass", and finding growth, healing, confidence and self-love, over and over again; taking her time, and learning self-care, and being aware of and pushing away any form of self-harm and destruction. None of it is self-indulgent, it's simply who she is.
Any other person we see her interacting with is either herself, or a bald, nondescript placeholder for a friend or a random she is made to be social with. This can be a detriment, and I would have liked to have seen her self-care and coping journey via any therapy? (Speaking as someone who has been to therapy for over a year now). Is she seeking that kind of help? What about her family and friends? Where are they?
Nonetheless, this comic is honest, deep, intense, more sad and terribly reflective of life (post-covid and in 2024, where mental illnesses, and their awareness, are more prominent and a subject of discussion) than funny and hopeful, without it being too self-wallowing and miserable. These issues, internal and external, need to be talked about, to be taken seriously, and understood.
And I want to continue to support female comic book artists, especially from my neck of the rainy woods.
Anyone can break free of any mental cycle and illness, no matter how endless and hopeless it seems right at the moment. It will take time, but things will get better. You have to believe you will get better. It is hard work, and you will need a lot of support from others, such as loved ones, but it will. get. better.
Do your best. You will be fine. Rest and relax. Slow and steady.
Love yourself. You are important, special, great, and unique. Take care of yourself.
You are not alone.
As Miss Bex Ollerton says at the end of her stream of consciousness journey:
'Every so often, I remember how hard I've worked to get to this point... It was an uncomfortable, messy process, and it took such a long time.
But looking back on all that pain, I can see how far I've come. I've learned that I can rely on myself [...] and open myself up to others.
And it's sad that I give myself such a hard time so often [...] Because in moments like these, when I can think about myself objectively, [...]
I'm proud of who I've become.
I used to long for clear skies.
I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of gray [...]
While everyone else's world was so full of colour.
The clouds made it hard to see clearly.
But after a while, I figured out how to be OK with them.
The sky doesn't need to be clear to be beautiful.'
A sky full of pretty lavender clouds!
I'm so glad and happy that, according to her Acknowledgements, Bex appears to be doing okay now. Doing fantastically, in fact. It is there that she mentions and thanks her loved ones.
Final Score: 3.5/5
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