Monday, 3 June 2019

Book Review - 'The Odyssey' by Homer

Won't be rating something I haven't finished and at best skimmed through.

Like 'The Iliad', we get more repetitious phrases and character descriptions ("white-armed" when depicting women, really? They're all beautiful and delicate, too. And mortal men actually get compared to gods, as "godlike". They're men, so it's what they DO that best describes them. No bias showing there, for sure). 'The Odyssey' is barely about Odysseus, at least not at the beginning. Just meddling gods all over again, and Odysseus's stuck-at-home son Telemachus.

Speaking of, I have to mention the first conversation between Telemachus and his mother Penelope that we are shown, which sums up my feelings for 'The Odyssey' nicely.

'Clue' cards presents!:



PENELOPE: Here I am, out of my room. This is my suggestion to all of you, my suitors, who have been freeloading in my palace and wrecking up the place and my kingdom like a fratboy house for twenty years now, and I have had enough. I tell you I will remain faithful to my husband Odysseus until I know for certain he is dead overseas. Telemachus, listen to me.

TELEMACHUS: No, Mother, you go to your room and loom or sew or whatever it is that women do. This is man's work! Fighting and diplomacy are no matter for women's tiny, fragile brains. Piss off, you woman! 


Here's what should have happened.


PENELOPE: Uh, no, you little shit. I am your mother. I brought you into the world so you better show me some damn respect. These are MY suitors, remember? They are here because of ME. I should be allowed to handle them however I see fit. And I'm still technically the fucking queen; I should know what the hell is going on in my own kingdom. I'd hoped you'd be glad that I'm desperately trying not to replace your dad, whom you never even knew and yet, like everyone else, you idolise far more than me, who raised your ungrateful arse. I never should have let so many privileged men tell you stories that measure Odysseus's manhood to the stars while you were growing up. AND you're twenty and inexperienced, and not a king - you have no right, no authority, over me. Let me stay and show you how a worldly grownup - how a true sovereign and one who is still strong despite immense grief - rules over their subjects and pains in their arses.


But here's what really happened.


PENELOPE: (Is taken aback, but obeys her son's "sensible" orders, and goes back into her rooms to join her maids and do fuck all until near the end of the story) Men know best! Just look at all the war and what they've done to my home! Twenty years as quite a literal doormat, while my spoiled brat son, who never knew hardship or empathy in his life, makes decisions for me. Fun!

And immediately after her departure, on seeing her so easily beaten down by her own kid, her dozen suitors think about fucking her. Seriously.



Whelp. Bye!

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