Top 10 Female Jerks

Time for another list.

First of all, Merry Christmas! Happy Yuletide season! Peace and love and care and kindness to all on this earth!

Now let me celebrate this glorious day by listing my favourite female Scrooges!

Jerks have always been associated with being male, as if it's exclusively a masculine character trait. These are the kind of people - in fiction since we wouldn't realistically want to meet them in person - who show little to no signs of owning a conscience. They say and do the terrible things that deep down we wish we could get away with, though we might not want to admit it. They are the cynics; the meanest of the mean; the rebels of decency; the life-ruining powerhouses; the charming, lovable embodiments of the Seven Deadly Sins; to them they see the world as it truly is and have no qualms in letting everyone else know about it. Yet, despite their general depravity, they do not cross the line so much that they become outright villains.

This list is dedicated to the females who possess these qualities we love to hate. Mainly because any woman who steps outside the boundaries of what's considered proper feminine behaviour is too often seen as... well, I don't think I need to finish that sentence; the evidence speaks for itself. And I don't want to be swearing and using hostile, misogynistic language at Christmas. These fictional girls and ladies are jerks, but miraculously we love them for it, feminine etiquette be darned. They can be as interesting and likeable as any male jerk, whom we as a society forgive for so much, even if they are unrepentant sociopaths. They need to be intentional jerks, too, who at least get called out on occasion, not accidental hypocrites and manipulators caused by bad writing.

So, who are the Top 10 Female Jerks I wish to bring to light this festive season? Start the countdown!

(Again, same rules as in my previous lists apply here: Fictional characters only, from one franchise, etc. Also, to keep this particular list fresh, no characters from my past lists will be on it.)





10. Sucy Manbavaran ('Little Witch Academia')

Sometimes you wonder why a main character is friends with that one character who doesn't seem to care about them at all, and treats them rather badly. As well as not making logical sense, it's generally a poor plot device. But somehow the dreary, never-smiling, potion-brewing, mushroom-obsessed Sucy, who actually calls Akko Kagari her best guinea pig, in all her short appearances in a small anime franchise, manages to be a favourite. Emotionless anime girl? She's a bit too eccentric for that. Her experiments on poor suffering human beings would make Wednesday Addams proud. Although in the short film, 'The Enchanted Parade', she does show signs of caring for her friends, if in her own special, Sucy way. The dry cynicism of her voice performance in both the Japanese and English dubs also contribute to her likeability somewhat. Sucy is a great witch in need of some serious social skills, but really, who would want her any other way?


9. Edina Monsoon ('Absolutely Fabulous')

Who says women don't have midlife crises? They just aren't allowed to in the patriarch's world; it would be too human of them. Edina from the British sitcom 'Absolutely Fabulous', played by the truly fabulous Jennifer Saunders, is a childish, promiscuous, rambunctious, alcoholic, drug-abusing, fad-chasing, twice-divorced middle-aged PR agent who in spite of her disastrous lifestyle is still somehow well-to-do and keeps a nice house and job. She is both every woman's dream and worst nightmare; a product of the best and worst of mainstream media and modern high society. Edina isn't deliberately a jerk or mean-spirited, unlike her best friend Patsy Stone (Joanna Lumley); she's merely extraordinarily ignorant of how the world works. She shows signs of a caring heart underneath all her loud, flashy clothes and terrible habits, albeit rarely. Walking the line between living life up to the full and wasting herself away at every moment, Eddie's not one of those tabloid-baited women who you want to see make a fool of herself for the sake of self-superiority, or even pity her. You may find yourself wanting her to succeed in her irresponsible endeavours, just so she can catch a break for once (a noteworthy feat considering how inexplicably rich she is). She's certainly no worse than her daughter Saffy, the queen of all stuffy, hypocritical cows. Edina Monsoon - a stupid, selfish, shallow, self-indulgent fame chaser - a cautionary tale to be sure - but we know that women and men like her do exist. And we wish we could be as lucky as she, but not so much.


8. Jessie ('Pokémon')

Yeah I know I'm cheating a little, as here is a canonical villain on the list. But honestly, to me Jessie of Team Rocket has always been too harmless to be close to how a traditional antagonist is. She lies, steals, betrays, and she's greedy. But her petty crimes (even when she once tried to steal Christmas) are nothing in comparison to the actions of most villains I can think of in kids' cartoons. Besides, 'Pokémon''s Jessie's larger-than-life, holier-than-thou personality is the true highlight of her character, bad guy or not. (Misty was almost added on here as well, but she's not a jerk, just bad-tempered). Jessie can be as foolish, deluded, overconfident, silly and conceited as any male comic relief baddies. She shows a kindling of a heart on special occasions, especially in the 'Pokémon' movies. Indeed she's not really evil, but misguided. Time and again Jessie demonstrates the vast complexities of her fabulous gender. She's definitely smarter than she lets on most of the time. She's proud of who she is, knows what she wants and demands it at all costs, and never gives up (seriously, she's been trying to steal the same Pikachu for over twenty years now; you have to admire her perseverance). An absurdly unstoppable force, and a cartoon joy who makes feminists love her too, Jessie is a jerk of metaphorical golden royalty and beauty. Team Queen Jessie!


7. Arisa Uotani ('Fruits Basket')

Last anime character on the list, I swear. Another complex jerk girl with a heart of gold, Arisa is a "Yankee" delinquent who, through a series of developments - as a child from an abusive, broken home, who then admires a biker-woman-turned-loving-mother - learns that true kindness exists in people in the world. It is this kindness which saves her life. Through heartbreak, tragedy and all sorts of emotional pain, she is rescued from the path to self-destruction by her friendship with the saint of all saints, Tohru Honda, whom she cares for more than anything since the death of Tohru's mother, her former idol. Arisa loved Tohru beforehand, though; she's not that terrible. She is still rather cruel and a bully at high school, but it is mostly to people who deserve it. A testament to the effectiveness of good will towards the hopeless, Arisa Uotani, like everyone in 'Fruits Basket', is as painfully human as they come. She suffers through so much, but gets better overtime due to love and kindness from others. Not such an uncaring cynic after all, I adore this female delinquent.


6. Cordelia Chase ('Buffy the Vampire Slayer')

How can someone who starts out as a typical high school mean girl -  a walking, talking cliche - be in any way likeable? Cordelia demands that you know that she is the queen of her environment, who cares about her reputation literally more than human life. She's narcissistic, self-centered, shallow, thoughtless, upholds class-ism, and her priorities are skewered beyond comprehension. And yet, I remember her being one of my favourite characters in 'Buffy'. Cordelia exudes such confidence and personality; she fully embraces her bad qualities and doesn't pretend to be what she isn't. This is admirable in a woman living in modern society. This high society girl knows who she is and is honest about it, wearing it on her immaculate sleeve right down to the tips of her professionally-done nails. She does develop into a more believable person when she becomes part of the Scooby Gang, showing layers to her. Cordelia, most notably, as part of her flippant honesty which is mistaken for outright meanness, never forgives and never forgets: She is not a doormat in any way, or a submissive. When a character does something wrong, she will call them out and let them know they did wrong (mostly, anyway), politeness and episode-discontinuity be damned. How ironic that queen Cordelia Chase would be a go-to character for making others be accountable for their actions, but that is one of the many reasons why she can do infinitely better than Xander (hell, any girl can do better than Xander, but that's neither here nor there). I admit that I'm not a fan of 'Buffy' and haven't seen Cordelia in the spin-off, 'Angel', though I have heard that she gets the shaft and is treated awfully and offhandedly at the end of her character "arc" - partly due to Charisma Carpenter's real life pregnancy, thank you, Joss Whedon - despite her becoming a badass demon slayer. But in 'Buffy', poor Cordy certainly left too soon after the third season. There was always more to her than looks and reputation; Taking crap from no one, she - and Carpenter - deserved so much better. Miss Chase will be remembered as the shallowest, baddest good guy ever to manage to be likeable to watch and not be friends with.


5. Amanda Waller (DC Universe)

A government official. A powerful businesswoman. A professional, borderline sociopath with no superpowers at all who is smarter than Batman. And she's a middle-aged big woman of colour. But she isn't really like any of DC's rich villains, such as Lex Luthor or Maxwell Lord; what Amanda Waller does is what she believes is for the safety of everyone and the earth, even when her methods are ethically unsound. She doesn't care for morality in execution, only the end results. To call her a sociopath doesn't necessarily make her a villain; Amanda is an absolute hard-arse lady in any incarnation of her, be it comics, television or movies. She is the best character in the 'Suicide Squad' film (which isn't saying much, but still). Even in 'DC Super Hero Girls', in her most "watered-down" and "light" version of her personality, as a high school principle, she is still a character you do not want to mess with and get on her bad side. Indeed to call her a jerk is a majorly juvenile way of describing her. Amanda could not give less of a damn about what others think of her. Femininity is so far beneath her it doesn't exist to her; same goes for masculinity too, for that matter. No time for any of that socially-constructed nonsense for Amanda. Niceness is so far from her dictionary it's on the edge of space. Neither a fridged woman nor a love interest to anyone, the fearless, unbreakable Amanda Waller is who she is, and bless DC for creating a woman like her - highly impressive considering its regrettable track record of sexist female representation.


4. Angelica Pickles ('Rugrats')

A three-year-old is high on this list of jerks. That is how much of an impact Angelica Pickles from 'Rugrats' has had on the childhoods of nineties kids everywhere. A world famous cartoon spoilt brat so loud and bad she makes both babies and adults tremble in fear of her. You have to admire someone so young and gifted in the art of conniving and manipulation to get what she wants. While Angelica isn't really a well-developed character - for every good thing she does she goes right back to being bad fast - her personality is bigger than her size and wealth. No matter who you are or how old you are, she will either make your life hell or deal with you depending on how it benefits her. No situation is safe from her cruelty and scheming; she's a compulsive liar through and through. Angelica personifies the smart and charismatic potential of any toddler. She is going to succeed in whatever she wants when she grows up, you can tell ('All Grown Up'? Meh, what's that? Something that only existed for preteen angst). Angelica Pickles is an evil little girl with tiny sparks of unselfishness, but you've got to love her for it. A cartoon icon for the ages.


3. Louise Belcher ('Bob's Burgers')

From one child to another, Louise is a thirty-year-old angry comedy news anchor in a nine-year-old's body. Hyperactive, loud, bad-tempered, violent, greedy, and a scheming businessman in the making, Louise is Angelica in full bloom, but less spoilt. When little Louise sees any opportunity to make money, she grabs it by the horns in a death-grip and doesn't let go. She's also loyal to her family, when she's not scheming and backstabbing them as well. In these instances you glimpse a heart of gold underneath her pink bunny ear hat. It's brilliant and refreshing to see a female character like Louise Belcher in teen/adult cartoons, where a disturbing number of women and girl characters are ignored, abused, brushed aside, dumped in cliched sexist plots, and generally treated in the most misogynistic manner by (99% male) writers. They're just not allowed to be anywhere near as funny or multilayered as male characters generally are. But Louise, along with Linda and Tina, break that horrible cycle. They are funny and interesting. Louise is the clear jerk of the Belcher family, and like everyone else who has the honour of being here, there is no other way we would want her.


2. Mrs Raven ('My Hero')

Mrs Raven is a character from a long-forgotten British sitcom in the late nineties to the early 2000s, about a humanoid alien superhero and his abused, long-suffering human female partner. Arguably out of all the characters in that show, Mrs Raven was the breakout hit; the funniest of the lot. She's a receptionist of a local medical surgery who derives happiness from the suffering of patients and all of humanity. Having suffered life's many hardships and disappointments herself into her middle age - her husband left her to raise unlawful teenage triplets by herself before the start of the series - Mrs Raven will not let off on making others as miserable as she is. Joy at the misfortune of others is what motivates her every day. She's the quintessential queen of cynics and sociopaths; her only weakness is her lust for the otherworldly superhero Thermoman, precisely because he is not a human she has to deal with all the time. In typical sitcom fashion, it's a wonder she still has a job. Yet Mrs Raven really could do miles better than a receptionist job, and not just because of her nastiness, for she is very smart for someone from a small English town of Northholt. Yeah, this woman is a nasty, cruel, greedy and hate-filled piece of work who makes Scrooge look like an anime shoujo heroine. But like Basil Fawlty and Edmund Blackadder, there is a sense of satisfactory wish-fulfilment to be had with Mrs Raven, in saying and doing what we wish we could, and be able to get away with it. But we know we'd hate to actually meet them. Mrs Raven gets the funniest lines in the episodes of 'My Hero', and nearly everyone else around her is an idiot so her disposition is somewhat understandable, if not justifiable. Years after the sitcom went off the air, I remember Mrs Raven more than anything about it - that she outshines Ardal O'Hanlon (best known for playing Dougal from 'Father Ted') as a superhero really speaks volumes of her character. I will always have a fondness for her. Such nasty, horrid fun!


And my number 1 favourite female jerk is:





1. Helga Pataki ('Hey Arnold!')

A cartoon female jerk from the nineties more famous than Angelica Pickles, because she is more complex. And like Louise Belcher, she is only nine-years-old. Helga is a school bully from a neglectful family; her parents lavish praise and expectations on her older sister Olga whilst ignoring their youngest child entirely to the point of forgetting her name and age sometimes. Helga's father is a borderline abusive, egotistical, self-absorbed and rough head of a beeper business (boy would he be bankrupt nowadays), and her mother is an alcoholic, as much as can be shown in a family Nickelodeon cartoon. Coming from a dysfunctional home like that, it's no wonder Helga is the way she is. She practically raised herself, forcing her to grow up too fast. She hates everybody except for the protagonist, Arnold, whom she is madly in love with but can only express it to him by hating his existence in order to hide the fact that she's scared of the risk of getting rejected by him also. So why bother being nice to him? The 'Hey Arnold!' episode, "Helga on the Couch", is one of the highlights of children's television animation in the nineties - it's so heartbreaking, and Helga's bullying and family problems are not played for laughs anymore (it's only recently that cartoons are even trying to achieve that level of mature character development again). Helga is almost full of negative, normally-unlikable traits; she has a violent temper, is selfish and greedy, she never receives punishment for bullying, treats her best friend Phoebe like a slave, and her obsession with Arnold is stalker-creepy. Hell, once she ended up sleeping in his closet, with him in the room, without him knowing. But Helga owns every single scene she is in, even those she isn't the focus of. The worst things keep happening to her in the show (I've never seen such great love and attention be paid to a character who is also a Butt Monkey), so it feels okay to feel sorry for her and understand her frustration with life (and again, she's only nine). She's sarcastic, more mean than not, a lonely cynic, and she exhibits signs of bipolar disorder in the show. Plus, she does good deeds, notably at Christmas time. Unlikable yet sympathetic, and a fascinating case study in childhood abuse, Helga Pataki is the kid that a lot of real kids identified with. Hopefully, though her spin-off series 'The Patakis', never got made (thanks, Nickelodeon), Helga will get a happy ending eventually. Let life be brighter for her and for children like her.





Happy holidays and new year, everyone x